Cultivating Emotional Intelligence, Social Awareness and Mindfulness in Youth
And how youth can empower and teach us — ‘the grown-ups.’
(Disclaimer: this was written as an experience and not as an academic document.)
Who said that the second time around isn’t as good? And the story continues
Like most stories, this one also begins with Once Upon a Time, but this is the second chapter of the story of a teenager’s dream in Fuengirola, Spain. Please read to the end to see how youth can empower and teach us, the grown-ups — a lot.
Brief Introduction
What is MindGen?
MindGen is an idea and initiative of adolescents that proposes Ted-like talks but mostly delivered by teens (speakers are typically between 13 and 17 y.o.) to the rest of the world. The aim is to enable young people to raise their voices on issues of utmost importance today. This translates into “Youth empowering youth. Youth supporting youth”.
With the backing of the Fuengirola council, the program addresses topics which are divided into future, science, neuroscience and ecology.
So far, we have had two wonderful editions and are working on the third. We had 23 teenage speakers, 7 teenage organizers, 2 councillors from Fuengirola Council, and 6 professional speakers who travelled from different cities in Spain to cooperate with us and me. We have an ongoing community of about 50 people. But we also count on the wider circle! That is friends, families, teachers, local government, etc.
You can learn more about the initiative here.
What is my role in the process?
If you have read my previous article, you will probably know that the beginning of my story was also “Once upon a time, a group of teenagers had a dream”. I’d like to share with you that this dream made me stay here, in this beloved city, Fuengirola. You know, I was ready to move elsewhere. But something happened: that dream also became my dream. Since that moment, we have been here, still writing the story, still sharing the dream.
So, it is my pleasure to meet you. I am Débora and the facilitator of the initiative, as well as the organizer and one of the space holders. As space holders, there is also Laura, and Ignacio, two teenagers who were founders and organizers of the previous edition plus Ezequiel (who was new in the team), along with Rodrigo Romero Morales (Deputy Mayor) and José Manuel Martín López (Youth Councillor).
What is my goal as a facilitator?
My greatest aspiration is to enable the community to unfold, with core values that allow for the spirit of “doing from being” during the process. This means starting from who we are and doing from there rather than playing a role in the group by what we do. This slight distinction is crucial; What we do does not define who we are in my proposal. The True Move, what I promote with this work, is what we do from who we really are. Staying in the city and being part of this initiative has been my True move. What is genuine for you right now? To answer that we need to open our minds, hearts and will, as Theory U proposes.
Stop reading. Take a pause and a deep breath. Ask yourself. What is genuine for you right now? What was the first that came to you? Take it with you.
Ok, now you can continue.
Empowering this true move, from the body, from this “being”, is to allow us to speak genuinely about the issues that really matter to us and also to the world. As a result, when we truly speak out, we boost our courage, we feel brave and, of course, we also feel more fear, but with more resources to deal with it effectively.
These general ideas, among other specific ones, were in the spirit of my methodology and my facilitation. Also as a facilitator, I do the practices while guiding them. This is important to know while you are reading it.
The foundation of my work is the development of emotional intelligence, social awareness and mindfulness. I use embodiment and mainly Social Presencing Theater (SPT), Theory U, Mindfulness, the work of Peter Block and many other sources of inspiration.
If you haven’t read my first article yet, and you feel very curious about how the first edition went, much more about my methodology and myself, please go here.
So, was this our second-time round?
We went through the second edition of MindGen Talks, and this time (and opportunity) we were able to deploy a deeper space, and do you know why?
Because we now had a key element to go deeper, TRUST, which came from what we had built during our previous experience. Nothing can’t be built and continues if there is no TRUST.
The initiative was the same, yes, but we were not. We were fewer organisers, but we had also been changed by the previous edition. And, in fact, this was a new group of teenagers/speakers. So was it really a second-time round? isn’t it always the first time? A good second-time round is built on a very good first base. So, there was no first or second-time round; there was the spirit of oneness. Community. Belonging to something bigger than the edition itself.
We were a new group that came up from the previous group. We were growing our community from within. Everyone was important and everything that was done was acknowledged. The past, allowing at that very present moment, a seed of a sustainable future to grow.
Also, we took it very seriously. We still do. The first year, everything was new. Of course, we were serious then too, but we were learning, trying. We didn’t know what to expect. Whereas this year we knew and we were very clear about where to go. We are here to stay.
We are determined to raise the voices of the youth.
About the second edition
Well, how did it go? We went through a similar process as the year before, but with some big/slight differences. All in all, we followed the same routines. Check-in, mindfulness, 20-minute dance (SPT practice), embodiment, practices, reflections, practising the talks, check-out. We worked in our dignified position, in both body and mind. The dignity of being a human, a person, a teenager, a migrant, and so on. In short, being whatever we are.
So, now I am going to write about the particularities of our space blended with things that were shared during the process and some key reflections about the methodology.
Our co-created space.
Diversity. Equity.
One of the critical elements was the diversity of the group. We were all very distinct. Different races, nationalities, genders, origins, generations, interests, etc. Adults, teenagers, immigrants, public employees, etc. We had a scaled-down sample of what the world is like. Mixed groups with a lot in common.
At the same time, we were all equal. No one was above anyone else. We had the premise that all voices are important, not only for the event but also for our small community.
As I mentioned before and wrote in my previous article, we are all doers in the process. We all practice. This is the key to equity and paramount for creating both communities and leaders. My teenagers said that they felt my guidance but that I was part of the group too, I wasn’t an outsider delivering content. We were all learning by doing together. We were all co-creating the space. Fluid structures. I learnt so much from them.
Making the threads visible.
We were a group of strangers; in general, we didn’t know much about the other members of the group. And like most of us, at the beginning, we imagined ourselves to be further away from each other than in reality. So, in the second session, we did the practice of threads to get to know each other. What could such a strange mixed group have in common? More than we expected.
Uncovering those points covered the field with energy. When we do that, we are allowed to show ourselves from that being and create a safe space. We allowed vulnerability to emerge and, consequently, intimacy. When these qualities emerge, interest in life, in others, and in being part of something enhances energy and joy. Belonging.
Peter Block says: “If we want a change in culture*, the job is to change the conversation. Or, more precisely, to have a conversation we haven’t had before; one that has the power to create something new in the world.” We did just that; we allowed other kinds of new conversations to emerge.
*Culture here is how we do things. How we come together and how we relate to each other. How we create community.
Making the stuck visible.
We practised The Stuck. It is an SPT practice to make visible, through your body, what your challenge is in some areas of your life. We gave a “shape” to the challenge they were facing in relation to the talk we were preparing.
During the sessions, we were navigating real-life challenges using our bodies. They were doing that, I was too. We were all doing it.
In the end, Sara said she could now see the challenge itself and, after a very intense debrief, got some ideas on how to handle it. The community was holding the space, getting thoughts from others.
We were, in real life, co-creating the space and enriching each other. I was facilitating the spaces for their wisdom to unfold but they got most of the answers. Again, as a facilitator, I was just “facilitating” the space for that wisdom to arise.
Ivania said she realised that if she could overcome the challenge of her stuck, she could overcome a bigger stuck in life. She didn’t say specifically what. She was the only that knew. We don’t ask for that, we don’t need to know.
The day of the event, I reminded Ivania of that session and what she shared, and she smiled. She overcame that bigger challenge.
I am so proud of how brave they were. They worked very hard.
We all learn from each other.
In a session, after creating our storytelling with images, each one had to present it in front of the rest. Everyone in the group did it, and, while doing that, we were simultaneously adjusting and highlighting elements of each one. In the end, Ivania said, “We all learn from others a lot; we learn from what others do, not from what they say”. It was a simple yet powerful reflection for us.
This is also very true for Laura, the founder and organizer of the initiative. She took part in the process for the second time. She didn’t know, but she was a role model for the group. The other teenagers were learning from what she was doing, how she was doing it, how she reflected on the practices, and so on. They learnt from her.
Adding a little more to this social learning, Sofía once said that “You bring the topic but we all create the talk together”. And yes, this is generative and social learning. We learnt about the topic, we exchanged opinions and we learnt how to create spaces. In the end, we had learnt from each other.
You learn to survive and to adapt. It is crucial, basic and necessary. But it is generative learning that can increase innovation in our social fields. That is what we promoted. We all learnt from each other. I learnt a lot from them.
I have much more to say about learning. But now I just want to share a quote from Peter Senge’s book The Fifth Discipline that relates to what we were doing. He wrote:
“Real learning goes to the heart of what it means to be human. Through learning, we recreate ourselves. Through learning, we are able to do something that we were never able to do. Through learning, we perceive the world and our relationship with it. Through learning we expand our ability to create, to be part of the generative process of life. There is within each of us a deep hunger for this kind of learning.”
We don’t feel judged if we don’t judge.
This is the big title of a session that expands throughout the whole process.
We practised Field Dance (an SPT exercise). It is an embodiment practice to work on the courage to be seen and heard among other purposes and “benefits”, and like the previous edition, it was one of our favourite moments.
When we were debriefing the experience, Ivania said “I once read a phrase that said “We don’t feel judged if we don’t judge, we feel it when we do” and added, “It’s true, I didn’t judge and I didn’t feel judged”. Very simple and powerful. She knew the phrase on a theoretical level. She understood it, she retained it. But it was when she embodied the experience that she really got it. She learned by doing, and of course, we all learned too.
In this exercise, as a stander, you put yourself in front of the sitters. From those concrete roles, they reflected that they felt more exposed as sitters than as standers. Ignacio added that he realised the responsibility of being a witness to the stander (i.e. a sitter) and was able to relate to that same responsibility in real life. The responsibility of being a witness and contributing to the quality of the space.
In addition, they shared the idea that they wanted the best for others. In general, they said that they enjoyed the silence. That it was much better than they expected. That they felt powerful, wonderful, courageous and capable of achieving just about anything. That they felt a connection with others. That they were not alone. They felt they wanted the best for others. And, of course, they noticed the projections. They felt fear but the others didn’t, so whose fear was it?
Yes, all this by standing in front of others in silence but with a very well-intentioned attitude.
Learning the most sustainable qualities to bring to the world.
Community is happiness.
To sum up the experience: we were indeed very happy. Sara said, “We are not taught at school that community is happiness”. It is so true! Creating spaces whit these virtues can make us very happy and we are able to transfer these qualities to many other social fields.
Where theory meets practice. Brief thoughts on methodologies.
First, start with the space.
As a facilitator, I pay special attention to how the groups use the space, how they cover it in terms of movement and how they engage with each other. Also, you can see the progress of the group in how it changes the patterns of space use.
This is something that I learned from Arawana Hayashi, the co-creator of Social Presencing Theater.
Back to MindGen, in each session, we started walking around the space. The first time, they are all scattered about the room, very far from one another and with a deep incoherence in the patterns, they tended to create. Along the sessions a progressive shift took place. And at the middle end, it looked like a skein. They were all walking together using only a fraction of the space, same direction, and speed and very close to each other. And certainly, the level of happiness, intimacy and love grew while this new space was being formed.
You can witness, through the changes of the space being used, how the groups evolve and witness how we always progress from nothing to something that means all.
Observing these patterns can reveal a lot about the relationships and state of groups and communities.
Another SPT exercise is called the Village. I presented it after some sessions because I was building up the space to introduce it. Through the village, you can see the embodied quality of the relationships and how our choices regarding the space are related to us and to our “real lives”.
Aitana started to personalise the practice by saying all the time “Our village” referring to our group or also drawing attention to the group by saying “This is not a village value; we need to practice it more to reinforce it”. Yes, apparently just a joke, but she was pretty serious about it. And everybody got it very clearly.
Joyful reminder to myself always, first start with the space.
Embodying and noticing the qualities.
With the purpose of seeding some values and qualities that I want to see in the space, I facilitate a practice aimed at embodying and noticing them in their own bodies. Sometimes the qualities are very abstract, and we have a perfect idea of the meaning but not how they flow within the body.
A lot of what we try to do in social transformation is at a theoretical level.
One day, I asked them to embody freedom, joy, curiosity, compassion, and courage, among other qualities. We also played with physical qualities such as speed, levels, and distances, to mention just some. They noticed how all of those influenced their emotions, actions, thoughts and the other way around. They experienced how the decisions that we make are influenced by our qualities. We experienced exclusion and inclusion.
Someone that was very shy in the beginning, after feeling freedom for a while in their body, started to roll comfortably around the room. Being allowed, enabled by their own body.
The conversation about expectations of the qualities also came up. One said that she didn’t know how to live with joy because she felt that there was a standard of being very excited or energized. For her, joy was more about walking slowly and enjoying the paces. Others agreed.
Another one said that embodying curiosity allowed him to see things in a very physical, different way. To slow down and have to order his tendency to act differently.
Body knowledge. Body wisdom. Learning by doing.
The day of the event
Finally, the big day arrived. Mixed emotions and feelings. A bunch of fears, tears, smiles, laughs, hugs, and a lot more. Things went much better than we expected, which normally happens when you commit yourself wholeheartedly.
Irene sang and played the guitar for the first time in front of an audience, who were incredibly supportive. We asked her to come on stage again during a break because the field wanted more. You can see a great video of her singing with the light of the audience’s mobiles and more in the link below
Aitana delivered an amazing talk for the audience, but an even better one for herself. Giovanni felt everything he was capable of, his power. I saw it in his eyes, something changed for him after the event. Ivania showed her great effort and that she was very serious about doing it. That day she said: “Being in your body is everything, it is very useful”. She got a lot from the process. Virginia and Victoria are very young but they had the courage to talk about a very important topic: eating disorders. Applause for them. Sofia showed that she has mastered the ability to improvise with passion despite of saying that she couldn’t. And our dear Sara brought to the table some issues that are often invisible. Thank you for being so brave.
We all felt proud of each other, of us, of our people. Some said it was the best and happiest day of their lives. I wish them that it is one of many to come and also that they achieve everything they wish for in life.
On the day of the event, people told us that there was something in the field that could be felt and that was important: our vibe and what we conveyed. Our deep village had a very clear message for the sitters, for our audience. And they experienced the social field we had been building and working on for more than 120 hours.
The gift conversation. Closing the process.
What gifts and assets do we bring to the spaces where we go? The gift conversation from Peter’s Block Methodology deals precisely with this. Rather than focusing on our drawbacks and weaknesses, which will most likely not go away, let’s focus on the gifts we bring and capitalize on those. Instead of problematizing people and work, the conversation is about searching and confronting people with their essential core, that has the potential to make a difference and change lives for good.
In the session after the event, we revisited the gift conversation. It was full of celebrations of each other and all the gifts that each of us brought to the group and the space. Not the gift of doing for someone in particular. The gift of simply being who you are and how that impacted each of us. Just loving each other just for who we are and how we are. It was a session full of tears, love, joy and recognition for all of us.
For them, this was one of the most powerful and significant sessions. Why was this? First of all, it is very personal. It is really for the person and it means that you were paying attention to the other. There is a phrase that says, “attention is the most beautiful caress”. So, by offering something concrete and real to others, we show them that we have given them our attention, and it makes a distinction in the quality of the relationship. Attention is the greatest gift when you are with others; just being there, showing up, bringing in your whole presence. And through the gift of conversation, those qualities are embodied with words.
Conclusions
I deeply believe in our individual responsibility to bring about constructive change and to enable spaces for conversations that empower the systems of which we are a part. Realizing that makes us accountable and empowers people to act, be, do and socially innovate.
The potential and power of adolescents must be harnessed. In general, there is a wrong idea about what they think, their commitment, their interests and about them as a collective. If you didn't have the chance to share spaces with youth, please, do so. You will be stunned by them.
They are amazing and our future will be in good hands if we allow them to play their role.
The Gift Conversation was one of the highest points of the process together with the Thread and the Field Dance. What do they all have in common? You are being seen. Your singularity is being displayed and appreciated by others. We need more safe spaces to be seen and to unfold our highest potential. That need is within us, regardless of age, nationality, gender, or profession.
When you are being seen in a safe space you allow the highest potential of your own self to emerge.
I welcome, desire and commit to creating more spaces that allow us to be responsible, empowered and let the best possibility of ourselves emerge.
Many thanks to our community. We are growing. We are MindGen.
Thanks to Olivia, Carolina, Daniela, Alejandra, Guillherme, Dina, Oscar, Cyro, Ignacio, Pablo, Ismael, Alejandro, Laura, Mar, Eva, Enzo, Antonio, Giovanni, Candela, María, Marta, Ivania, Sara, África, Victoria, Virginia, Aitana, Irene, Eduardo, Pilar, Ana, Alejandra, Ezequiel, Antonio, Rodrigo, José, Sofía, Mindfacts team, Ana Mula, our mayer, the local schools, the technical team, our teachers, our families, our friends and all those who form part of MindGen and also those who will be.
I look forward to our future.
If you would like to learn more about or collaborate with these initiatives, please reach me at deborabarrientos@gmail.com.
